After a few emotional turmoil’s, summer classes, a job, and painful political changes, I’ve found difficulty in recalling my love for writing. There’s frustration I want to distinguish. Yet, there’s fear to speak. I am a bold and opinionated woman, one with pride and awareness of the actions I’ve done and without regret. Still, with that in mind, I pause to question, “where is my shame?”. And honestly? I don’t believe in the fear to speak your lifestyle.
So here I am. I am a sexual woman. I enjoy being pleased and touched. I am a bisexual woman. I lust and love both men and women and those who lie in-between. I am not ashamed that I enjoy being touched, and kissed, and held. I’m aware I dress proactive at times and I have no regret for doing so. I am sensual, sexual, and I have no shame for liking the things I do and admitting to it. Lust is a normal, expected, human emotion. Sex is not shameful yet its talked in hush whispers and only spoken in the practical biological sense in classrooms.
Sex, is shameful because it is taught as such. Schools explain it only for the use of reproduction, for it to not be done until married or prepared for a child. Genitalia is taught wrong. The word “orgasm” is practically outlawed by sex-education teachers. The connotation it is spoken under is equivalent to that of drugs. Because smoking meth is oh so similar to a human act.
My mother is a romance author, sex has been a common dinner-table conversation since I had learned of it. I am not embarrassed to let her know I have pleasured myself, or, that I have fooled around while gone at college. And I shouldn’t have to be. What I’ve done is a mild list.
With laws changing, holding women in older forms of societal constructs, there is a level of annoyance that, as a women who is sex-positive, have a hard time imagining being forced upon me. Just because you are afraid to admit that you enjoy pleasure does not mean it has to be inhibited upon me.
Which is why, in the events of Roe V. Wade being overturned, I am even more outspoken for my sexual encounters. Women are already existing people. Men, have been allowed to hold the privilege of enjoying sex without the societal stamp of being dirty. I, in somebody’s eye, am a sinful women for daring admitting to feel lust. Besides the obvious cases of why abortion should be legal, including rape, bodily rights, health and safety. I want to emphasize the more hidden issue tied within abortion: the shame placed on women who have sex. It is just as much about shaming and embarrassing women who participate and enjoy pleasure.
But, it shouldn’t be like this. Your religion does not impact me. If God may whisper in your ear to save yourself or that it is sin to feel aroused, than so be it. Enjoy following a lifestyle you find refreshing. However, I gain my confidence from being sensual. And I am not alone. Most, experience desire. Men are given the privilege to publicly admit it because they do not carry the same burdens.
The burdens I am referencing are two: social and physical. The social of being called a slut, or a whore. Of being dragged for daring show your body to another. Targeting of leaked nudes is often women. While I have received dick pics from men whose names I had no clue of, I am paranoid to ever pose my own nude body. That is because there is an embarrassment placed on women who’s breasts have been spread across photos to others. While a penis can be flashed, perhaps in their eyes even proudly, it is a women’s biggest fear for her to been seen in a sexual pose on image.
Now the physical comes back to the fear of impregnation. There is none of this for men. To have the physical burden of a baby. While men arguably do much more effort to produce a possible child, the blame is forced upon the women because she has to physically hold it. The pain, of having a fetus inside of your body. The health risks, the body changes, pregnancy is not something that should be forced because of the pains with it. A mistake of one hook-up, or one condom breaking should lead to a life of forced motherhood. And how, how is a minor act, done by nearly every human, enough to condemn one to a drastic life change?
You are not better than me for preaching about avoiding sex. You are in denial of your humanity. humans lust and love. We are animals, and animals fuck. A shock, I’m sure you’ve never imagined as such. “But we contain intellect, restrain should be in place!” And yet, the same thing could be said for emotions. Oh we are creatures of intellect, thus, we should be able to stop rage and fear if we can think it through?
I am running out of fuel for the things I want to say. My frustration could continue on for so, so, so, so, so, much longer. I want to finish with a final touch. Not all sex is meant for reproduction. It is pleasurable and should be. I am attracted to other women and will never be able to produce a child with them from sex, yet that doesn’t stop me from desiring being with one. Sex should be taught to be pleasurable, to be enjoyable, and most importantly, to not be shameful. Places where sex is a safe, normalized talk, is where the safest kind of sex occurs. And also, where the most enjoyable as well. So explore you bodies wants and needs and embrace who you are. That may not be shouting to the internet your sexuality and desires, yet, being blunt is enough. Being able to not blush or hide and to not treat sex like a great secret makes it a more comfortable space.